The flushing of Tali Karng

posted in: Mini Adventures | 0

Written by Niels

Once upon a time in a land far far away, a red-haired constipated water dragon ruled over his lake Tali Karng with tremendous power. Some people called him therefore “The outrageous dragon of Tali Karng”, few others knew him as “Schniprokotviskotamotai, the dragon of DOOM”, but that name was quite hard to pronounce, so that never really became popular. However, very rare survivors of an encounter with this dragon all seemed to agree on the fact that his mother just called him “Charlie”. So Charlie it is for the rest of this dragon tale.

Lake Tali Karng has been formed by a tremendous landslide, thousands and thousands of years ago… although some sources are rather specific and situate the event 1500 years ago. Ancient texts reveal that around that time, extreme winters took place in the region. The rumour goes that one year Charlie’s great great great grandfather dragon, “Yoloswag Bignose” had a very severe cold and sneezed so hard, that a whole mountain side came down, damming the almighty Wellington river.

Lake Tali Karng, home of dragons since 515 A.D.
The mystical Wellington River

The deep lake resulting from this event attracted the attention of all neighbouring water dragons. Yoloswag Bignose was a very generous dragon and allowed them to come and live with him in his new home. And they had a good life, drinking, eating fish, laughing, eating more fish, swimming, eating innocent humans. But… everything which goes in, eventually has to go out, and these dragons were eating a lot… As a consequence the nutrient balance of the lake became very disturbed. Luckily Yoloswag Smallnose, son of … quickly earned a degree in environmental engineering. He came up with the brilliant idea to use the Wellington river to drain nutrients out of the lake into the valley of destruction. And everybody was happy, the dragons could live and eat in a clean lake, the humans in the valley could use the nutritious water to fertilize their fields. Everything went fine for another 1500 years, until Charlie became the new dragon king of Tali Karng. Charlie was quite focused on his privacy and drove all the other dragons away. Charlie also had another big problem, no actually he had two, but let’s not start about his rather strange Scottish accent. Charlie was quite constipated, all the time, actually. This caused a drop in the nutrient balance of the lake, which had obvious repercussions to the humans in the valley too. Every year their crop yields dropped dramatically and thousands, thousands of people starved to death. And that’s where this journey starts, at last!!!

Seven brave souls gathered from all wind directions of the known world to come and save the poor people in the valley of destruction. Brave sir Jon and his even braver lady Vanessa, being tough islanders hardened by the sea all their life, were quite familiar with other water dragons. Their expert knowledge would definitely make a difference in the heat of the battle. The most charming ladies Caroline and Kat, were chosen for their splendid local language knowledge. They had to try making contact with Charlie… by all means! Katka, a Moravian warrior princess, had to take care of the navigation in the remote wilderness of the Tali Karng region. It has been told that without her the notorious Moravian army of king Pavkov III wouldn’t have found the battlefield in the harsh battle of Bohdalice-Pavlovice! Then there was Angie, the Mexican secret weapon of this group. By making extremely spicy Mexican food she would solve Charlie’s constipation problem. And there was also Niels, a famous Belgian hydrologist who was obviously very interested in this mind-boggling water system and had to take care of one thing, but what he didn’t know any more.

From left to right: charming lady Caroline, Moravian warrior princess Katka, famous Belgian hydrologist Niels, charming lady Kat, brave lady Vanessa, secret weapon Angie and brave sir Jon

The fellowship planned to join forces near Licola in the Wellington shire. This little township formed the well-known southern gateway to the almighty Alpine national park, a breeding place for water dragons since the beginning of time itself. Charming ladies Caroline, Kat and Angie arrived first without any noticeable problems, a long period of waiting would become their share. The others immediately experienced the supernatural forces ascribed to certain creatures in the valley of destruction. A close nocturnal encounter, in fact a very close one between brave sir Jon’s horse and a local wombat warrior did everybody gasp for air. The worst had to be expected for the wombat, nonetheless this mythical creature seemed to survive. Could this be interpreted as an approval of the gods for what was coming? Not that much later the fellowship united and set up their camp near the legendary Wellington river. The view would have been astonishing, if it hadn’t been dark already. And there was something with this darkness, never had anybody in the fellowship experienced such a total blackness. In the background everybody heard the dragon howling in the night! They could be sure that his constipation problem wasn’t solved yet.

The very next morning the fellowship set off to the lake. Finding their way to the lake was less of a problem than they had expected. Sure they could rely on the unquestionable navigation skills of warrior princess Katka. However they found out they could also follow the orange dragon spikes fallen from Charlie’s back whenever he had to scratch it in the past. Soon however, ultimate terror took place. Secret weapon Angie got severely wounded in an ultimate confrontation with the rough terrain. It has to be said, it was only because of her superhuman willpower at that moment that this heroic quest could continue. Soon Charlie’s deterrence strategy for intruders became clear. Our fellows had to cross multiple hyper dangerous river crossings to continue their journey. Locals mentioned before that already hundreds,… thousands,… maybe even ten thousands lost their lives in these unpredictable waters. Some even say that every log laying over the river in fact symbolizes the body of a poor fallen soul… (moment of silence)

The fellowship walking on a poor fallen soul

Nonetheless our brave fellows managed to keep their heads above water, actually even more than their heads. It needs to be said that the water level was not particular high at that moment of the year. But let’s not forget that this fellowship was prepared for their job, for example, a sophisticated stick strategy prevented them from falling into the water. A complete technical explanation of this advanced survival skill wouldn’t fit into this story. But, in short, somebody in the fellowship came up with the genius idea of using a stick to cross the river. This stick prevented the projected centre of gravity of the combined system ‘human-stick’ to leave the contact envelope of the combined system ‘human-stick’ with the ground, thus providing an enhanced state of balance. It speaks for itself that not just anybody can come up with these kinds of adaptations to a hostile environment. Another proof that this was quite some fellowship! This enhanced state of balance reflected on the group. Although facing the most extreme kinds of dangers, everybody enjoyed their time at the valley of destruction. This culminated in a magical moment near the river side. A prosperous sign of the gods was observed in the water, the holy otter! According to brave lady Vanessa, the first witness, this was a moment of total ecstasy, total harmony, the ultimate nirwana! Immediately stone skipping rituals were performed by the men to thank the gods, what could ever go wrong! Not that much actually, because soon the most fantastic camping spot was discovered. It almost felt too easy…

The stick-strategy, shown here by some brave fellows

After the camp was set up, the fellowship decided to continue their quest, leaving most of their equipment at the camp site. That way they could save more energy for their ultimate confrontation with Charlie. Hours of walking passed by. They conquered crazy steep mountains, horrifying descents, other crazy steep mountains, other horrifying descents, and then again other steep mountains, maybe the same ones than before… in the end the lake was nowhere to be found. What was happening, did they get lost? Was Charlie misleading them with his orange spikes? Slowly their water supply vanished under the cruel burning sun. Charming lady Caroline almost fainted because of dehydration. Luckily there was hydrologist and part-time hero Niels to save her with his own sweat which he collected in a bottle during the day. Then suddenly out of nowhere the almighty lake Tali Karng loomed between the dense forest vegetation. Everybody focused, this was the moment of truth, now they had to find Charlie!!! Brave as he was, brave sir Jon immediately took a plunge into the lake. As a former Hawaiian canoe champion he could swim for miles and miles if necessary. AND THEN… nothing, Charlie was nowhere to be found! Charming ladies Caroline and Kat came up with an interesting idea, they would try to lure the fearsome dragon with some tribal skinny-dipping rituals. Everybody agreed that if this wouldn’t work, nothing ever would. But hours past by, brave sir Jon was still swimming around, albeit with less and less feeling in his limbs. The freezing cold water from the lake was sucking every last bit of warmth out of his body. He barely made it back to his comrades. Brave lady Vanessa was waiting for him at the lakeside and bravely she kept her husband alive with her body heat. So was this it? Did they travel all the way to the lake to find it empty?…

Where’s that f*cking dragon?

RRRROOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!! A massive creature had just erected from the water. The fellowship couldn’t believe their eyes, never, never they had seen a dragon with such a huge belly. And although Charlie did have some wings they couldn’t possibly be functional! Angie kept her focus, quick as a wink she started making the most amazing Mexican food, but spicy as hell. After the approval of taster Vanessa, Moravian warrior princess Katka took two huge catapults out of her back-pockets, gave one to charming lady Kat and both they shot the hottest burritos ever straight into Charlie’s mouth… which he actually liked a lot, because he ate them all! Moments after they heard a massive roar-sound emerging from Charlie’s belly, big gaseous bubbles burst open at the lake surface. The strategy of the fellowship was working! They had to leave NOW, this situation could become pretty awkward.

Just before nightfall the fellowship arrived at the camp site. The way back from the lake had been quite challenging, but now at this moment, they never felt better. Their quest was fulfilled. A big camp-fire was lit, stories were shared and the most amazing meals were cooked! Mmmmm, there was chocolate, and even chocolate brownies from charming lady Caroline too, kilos of that dark-brown gold… but no beer. And that my friends, was all to blame on our hydrologist. As a Belgian he apparently promised to bring some of it…

After a peaceful night without the howling sounds of Charlie, the fellowship set off to their starting point near Licola. The atmosphere couldn’t be better! Oh wait, let’s not forget the wet feet in waterproof walking shoes problem. Was this Charlie’s unpleasant way of saying thank you and goodbye to this fellowship? Never trust a water dragon, that’s for sure! At arrival in Licola the fellowship noticed that the crops were growing again and had become greener than ever, maybe even a bit fluro-green. Also the local people were hysterically cheering and offering the most awkward gifts… they actually looked a bit high to be honest. Did all of this have something to do with the Mexican food, nobody will ever know. However, the people were not starving to death any more, they were alive and kicking, pretty much kicking all time. So mission accomplished. As an ultimate thank you, the fellowship received the exclusive honor to taste the local ice cream varieties. This could be considered as rather unique, everybody got quite emotional.

Back in Licola, chilling on the freshly re-fertilised riverbank

But the fellowship had no time for crying, they had to leave, pretty soon actually. Apparently they had received an invitation of her majesty queen Lorelei and her surfer boy Jacob. Because of the disastrous starvation problem in the valley of destruction they were around to support the local community. Soon after they heard about the fellowship and their heroic quest, they promptly invited them on a royal banquet. What happened next was indescribable, they met the most amazing people and saw the most exotic kinds of food. Could it be real, was that the legendary king Foong I of Booganistan himself sitting across their table eating the mythical Bogan burger… obviously the situation quickly became surreal! Caring as they had always been Queen Lorelei and her spouse Jacob were utterly pleased with what the fellowship had achieved! Suddenly one of the guests reminded the queen that she had sworn to walk the entire way back to her castle at the Pacific Crest if some miracle would happen that helped the people in the valley of destruction. And that my friends, is a whole other story…

Queen Lorelei and surfer boy Jacob

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